Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
