3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ttyl tear gas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
