I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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