At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
