He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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