i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
