is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
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put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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