what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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