i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
