I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
