dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
