Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
