Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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