He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
