awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
