Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
