haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
