I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
