There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
