he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize