WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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