Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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