Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
