now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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