the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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