batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
