the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
