Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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