Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
