Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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