Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
