I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
