I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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