But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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