I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
