Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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