I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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