I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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