if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So. Much. Porn.
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