ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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