so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
