it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
