So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My balls are so social today.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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