I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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