my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
