worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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