My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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