yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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