Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
