I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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