Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
