why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
