Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
