i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
