This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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