I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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