I cannot find my penis.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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