i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
