if you like me you must not know who I am
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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